Voytober 2018
by Keydieh Hurst
Summary: A collection of 31 stories and drabbles, varying in length, rating and pairing written for #fictober18. Most are J/C, but some are general/unshippy. Most are also rated low, but for the odd few with a higher rating I raised the rating for the entire collection.
1. Can you feel this?

Fingers whispered over skin, palms infusing warmth into the softness under them. It was a familiar procedure, had transformed into a ritual.

Upon waking hands would steal over, caressing, searching, hoping. Every morning the same hope that today would be the day that he felt something.

Every morning filled with hope and slight disappointment.

But he was patient. He knew his time would come. He could wait.

"Can you feel this?"

"Hmmm…" he only gave a muffled, tired moan in reply. This morning he was still foggy, but that didn't lessen his enjoyment of their morning routine.

"Chakotay," Her voice more insistent now.

"I've been feeling it for the last 10 minutes." He smirked, keeping his eyes closed as he felt her smack against his naked chest instead of continuing their insistent caress of his legs.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I wanted to enjoy this a while longer before you ship me off to the Doctor."

"I see." His enjoyment most obvious, her eyes strayed and her tongue snuck out to wet her lips as she crawled up his body, "The Doctor can wait."

"Can you feel _this_?" A husky half-whisper this time.

"I'm not sure...do it again!"


	2. People like you have no imagination!

"I can do some wonderful things with vegetables…" Tom Paris' guffaw blocked out the rest of the Talaxian's sentence so Kathryn had no idea what they were talking about. But when her eyes strayed back to Chakotay's face she saw he as well had trouble holding back his laughter.

"People like you have no imagination," Neelix rambled on, "You spoilt Federation types have no appreciation for the many uses of leola root!" At the mischievous glint in Chakotay's eyes and the dimple-revealing smirk, Kathryn felt herself blush and looked back towards the unruly display at the galley. She hoped her face didn't betray her and show signs of the myriad of images that had suddenly popped into her head.

They both watched as Neelix none too gently removed a plate from a flustered Ensign's grip.

"We'll get used to it," Chakotay whispered when she lifted another spoonful of some mush to her mouth.

"I hope so." Kathryn grimaced at the taste of the offending concoction but needing to set an example for the crew swallowed it anyway.

"Or maybe we won't have to," he couldn't entirely hide his own distaste and at Kathryn's sympathetic smile, he shrugged. "One can dream."


	3. How can I trust you?

"How can I trust you?" They stopped just outside of her quarters, the mood still somber, both aware that a plaque and some croutons couldn't bridge the gap between them or undo what had been done.

"You can't," she replied honestly, her mind thinking back to him double checking that the plaque was secure in its place, making sure it was straight. "I can promise not to cross that line again, but we both know that I will."

He nodded, tugging his ear as he thought of another invisible line - one she had never even come close to crossing.

Unprepared for the action, he jumped slightly when she slid her hand into his, palms facing each other. She was warm and soft and the gesture boldly intimate. It was an olive branch and he would be damned to refuse knowing what it cost her to reach out and admit being in the wrong.

"A part of me will always attempt to cross the line and without an anchor, I fear…" she swallowed hard and cleared her throat.

"I can be an anchor," he jumped in before she could continue. "I will be your anchor if _you_ trust _me_."

She squeezed his hand in acknowledgement and acceptance before she took a step forward and triggered the door mechanism. The air felt cold as her hand slid from his and Chakotay closed his around his palm instinctively. She turned back to him in the doorway, her gaze open and trusting.

"Thank you."


	4. Will that be all?

"Will that be all?" Kathryn's annoyed tone was unmistakably a dismissal and the Doctor had the good grace not to ignore it.

"I'm done," he acquiesced, "for now."

Kathryn sighed as she watched the Doctor's retreating back, absentmindedly reaching for the cup of coffee that Chakotay had deposited next to her just mere seconds before they were so rudely interrupted. She looked over and saw that he was suppressing a chuckle, the smothered grin bringing out his dimples full-force.

"I'd love to laugh with you," Kathryn grimaced as she shifted her position, "but the fact that I can't just walk out on him puts a damper on my humour. Did you bring me anything besides the coffee?" She asked nodding towards the Padds Chakotay was holding.

"I told the Doc they were Klingon Romance novels," the mischievous glint in his eyes was a balm for sore eyes and Kathryn barely suppressed a shiver when he leaned forward and whispered conspiratory, "but they are really reports."

Chakotay leaned back with his own report and slimed as she picked up one of the Padds he had put down next to her. They had been reading in silence for a few minutes when, from the corner of his eyes, he saw her lower leg twitch under the covers. It happened again after a few seconds but he tried to ignore it. But when he saw it for the third time and Kathryn sighed, he laid his hand on her leg to still it.

"What is it?" he asked, "Do you want me to call the Doctor?"

"It's…" she caught herself before saying _nothing_ , "just an itch."

"An itch?" His hand automatically closed around her leg and gently caressed her through the thin cover.

"On the inside of my calf," Kathryn explained with a lopsided smile and a shrug, "I can't bend forward enough to reach it."

Without waiting for further explanation, Chakotay slid his hand under the covers to reach her inner calf. The pads of his fingers gently pressed into her skin sending little jolts through her.

"A little higher," she husked and he immediately complied.

"Here?" His nails slid over the delicate skin just below her knee.

"Oh yes," her little moan was killing him, but he repeated the movement just to hear it again.

Her eyes were closed and if he wasn't mistaken she was emitting a sound that almost sounded like purring. He looked around to see if B'Elanna or Tuvok were awake but it seemed no one was watching them. As much as he loved seeing her so relaxed, he knew she would hate if anyone was to witness her little lapse. When his eyes wandered back he just caught the Doctor doing a quick swivel back to his office. Chakotay hoped he wouldn't tell but so far he had never let anything concerning the command team slip to any of the crew.

Unaware that his hand had stilled he looked back at Kathryn and found her eyes fixed on him, soft and warm. He smiled at her and removed his hand from the warmth under her covers.

Without breaking eye contact Kathryn took a sip of her coffee and with a straight face asked, "How are my carpets?"


	5. Take what you need

She was surprised at the sobs that wracked his body, at the wetness that seeped through her uniform, at the strength with which he held onto her.

She was not surprised when he drew back and apologized.

"I have no right…" he stammered.

But he had every right. So she drew him back in, smoothed her hand over his back and cradled him close, slowly rocking his shaking body.

"Take what you need." She pressed her cheek against his hair as he worked through the anguish of the past days.

Anguish _she_ had asked of him.

He had every right.


	6. I heard enough, this ends now

He kept glancing over whenever he heard the small sound and every time she acted as if nothing had happened. After the third time, he finally put down his book and looked openly at her.

"Kathryn?"

"Hm?" She didn't even look up.

"I heard enough, this ends now." His serious tone finally made her acknowledge him as well, but the look on her face gave nothing away.

"Just let it out and get it over with."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, Kathryn. I told you to stay away from the soup."

"But you know how much I love onion soup. And it smelled so good. I couldn't resist."

"Yes, I know, but B'Elanna warned us about the better-than-onions substitute when Tom had the soup last night." He was sympathetic, but he had to admit that he was also enjoying this. "Now, get it over with and let it out, Kathryn."

Her pout told him she wouldn't easily give in so he decided on another tactic.

"Alright, have it your way then." He went into the bathroom to get ready for bed but when he returned he quietly crept up behind her.

Kathryn was engrossed in her book again and didn't hear him, so when he put his mouth directly to her ear and said loudly, "Do it!" she jumped in surprise.

Momentarily distracted, she finally let go and a low, booming sound emanated. She immediately tensed again resulting in a higher-pitched squeak that lasted a few seconds.

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened as her hand flew over her mouth.

"There, feel better?" Chakotay asked, knowing full well that after the giant bowl of onion soup she had, this wouldn't be the last one she ripped that night.

"No," she lied, face scrunched in defiance.


	7. No worries We still have time

She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

She tried again but the lump in her throat refused to budge. Her eyes followed the movement of his thumb, a tingling warmth spreading up her arm. He was frustratingly patient and she had no carefully crafted metaphors in which to wrap the things she could not otherwise say.

Her scientific mind did not easily lend itself to matters of the heart.

"Don't worry. We have time."

And they had. They had all the time in the world.

Her hand gently tightened around his, a silent gesture conveying a multitude of messages.


	8. I know you do

The shackles grazed against her wrists as she shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable.

"I'm sorry." He felt the intensity of her glare even in the darkness of their cell.

"It's inexcusable, Chakotay."

"I thought they'd killed you. I lost my temper."

"It was a ritualistic performance," she sighed in exasperation, "It was in your mission briefing." She craned her neck and scooted forward a little to check again if she could look into any of the other cells. They had no idea if any other crew member had joined Chakotay's little uprising against their latest hosts. Unable to see anything she sagged back against her cot in defeat. Nothing to do but wait then.

"I'm sure Tuvok will get us out in no time."

"I'm sure he will," she spat her voice acid, the prospect of Tuvok's lecture not too appealing.

"I love you." Silence. If it wasn't for her breathing he wouldn't have been sure if she was still there.

"I know you do." Her voice was calmer, softer. "It's no excuse, Chakotay."

"I know but...I couldn't bear losing you." The darkness made him voice thoughts they barely allowed to surface.

She didn't reply and when he heard her shuffling again he figured she had settled down to get some rest. Suddenly her foot lightly touched his. He was thankful for the contact. It was the best they could do being shackled to opposite walls.

"I love you too."


	9. You shouldn't have come here

"You shouldn't have come here." Her hand recoils before she can reach his back.

"Chakotay…"

"You need to leave, Kathryn." His voice is anguished and breaking.

"I can't leave you alone." She fears she will have to beg for him to let her in and not do this alone.

"I can't do this _with_ you, don't you see?"

"Let me be here for you." She is not above begging, not if it means lessening his pain.

"You make me feel, Kathryn...you make me feel." He says quietly, fiercely. "And I don't like it. I want it to stop. _Now_."

If only he'd raise his voice to her, tell her it's her fault, that he blames her. But he remains still and silent. A stoic figure like a stranger as he puts down the flowers on his wife's grave. They will be leaving tomorrow and leave her behind in this alien soil. He will never be able to return to her.

She steps back to let him say his last goodbye in solitude. To leave him alone.

Alone after everything.

Alone after all.


	10. You think this troubles me?

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

"It wasn't important.

"It was and I should have been there."

"You think this troubles me?"

"It troubles _me_."

"You had other matters to attend to."

"Nothing that was more important."

"But more pressing. I know you wanted to be there and it bothers you that you missed it, but your work is important. You didn't change anything by not being with me, but you were needed at work."

"I just hate that I missed it. I won't get that back. Never. The first time we get to see our first child." He reached out to touch the image on the screen. There wasn't much to look at. And yet it was everything to look at.

"I know," she kissed his arm where it reached near her face for the screen. "There will be many moments one of us is going to miss."

She turned in his arms, away from the screen and towards him, her arms winding around his torso to press him closer, her ear pressing against his chest to listen to his heartbeat. She could hear he was excited, the normally slow thrum of his heart sped up just enough for her to notice.

"Some moments we will both miss."

"Yes." It was a reality they both had to face, especially in their line of work. Neither one of them was ready to just forget everything else and stay at home for good. "We'll be there when it counts."

He dimmed the screen just enough not to bother them at night. Kathryn understood his longing. There was nothing palpable for him, nothing to feel or see yet. This recording of their little blotch of a child was the first sign of life within her womb that he could grasp.

"I love you," she whispered sleepily as she snuggled into him.

"I love you too." Kathryn couldn't help but grin at the thought that she could no longer tell if he meant _too_ or _two_.


	11. But I will never forget!

"You came back to us when you didn't have to."

"Of course I had to, Captain, it certainly would have contaminated…"

"Harry," she interrupted him and laid her hand on his, "I'm not talking about Starfleet rules." She searched his face as he struggled with his emotions. "You could have been happy at home, Harry. You could have had everything you wanted, but you fought to come back."

"Not happy," Harry replied, his eyes finding hers. "Content maybe, but knowing you are out here and I chose the easy way out - I don't think I could have been happy."

Kathryn observed her young Ensign in silence for a few seconds. She watched the way he lowered his eyes to the hot beverage in front of him, his cheeks blushed slightly and she noted that he didn't pull back his hand from under hers. Suddenly it made sense. It was more than loyalty and more than doing the right thing.

"You missed us." It wasn't a question and she might be wrong, but when he looked up the glint in his eyes and the weak shrug of one shoulder told her everything she needed to know.

"You're family," he explained unnecessarily, and Kathryn felt a lump form in her throat as he spoke, "and...I missed you," he finally admitted.

"One day, when we get back, this will be just another incident report. Most likely it will get lost among all the other more dangerous things we encounter." She squeezed his hand to make sure she had his full attention. "But I will never forget!"

Harry Kim looked at the woman who had been his Captain for only a few months, her face open and kind. He meant what he had said. They were his family. He'd fight tooth and nail for them. He turned his own hand slightly under hers and closed it around her fingers and grinned widely at her.

He felt whole and right. This is exactly where he should be.

He was home.


	12. Who could do this?

It was quiet in his quarters, their slow breathing the only sound above the steady hum of the engines. They didn't need to speak. She enjoyed his company and he let her stay.

After a moment she spoke, her voice scarcely a whisper. "Do you miss her?"

In three words he broke her heart anew. "All the time."

She followed his line of sight to the wall between their quarters. So close and yet a world apart. She knew. She was her once and she had spent many a night staring the at same wall from the other side.

"Who could do this?" His unexpected question broke her out of her reverie.

"Do what?"

"So easily turn to other people and pretend they are the person they really want?"

"You were lonely and you were tired of waiting."

"Did you ever get tired of waiting?"

"I'm here now, aren't I?" He nodded. Of course, she had never done things halfway. "You need to tell her."

"And break her heart?"

"That's not…" she shook her head, "You need to tell her that you miss her."

Chakotay sighed. A whole lot of good it would do him.

"She misses you too." Admiral Janeway leaned forward and grasped his arm. "But you're a coward."

Chakotay's head shot up. He'd been called many things in his day but never a coward, least of all Kathryn, no matter which timeline. "I'm not a coward," he growled.

"Are you not?" She tilted her head, her lips starting to curl into a sympathetic smile. "You keep finding reasons not to tell her, waiting for the situation to resolve itself. But in the end…" She trailed off, getting lost in thought again to a time long ago.

"What happened?" Chakotay pressed on.

"You will break her in a way rarely anything ever has or will."

"I don't have that much power over her."

"I was _her_ ," Admiral Janeway stood up and paced, gesturing towards Kathryn's quarters, "What you're doing right now is more cruel than you can imagine. My Chakotay…" she paused suddenly as if stopping herself, put her hands on her hips, eyes towards the ceiling and sighed in defeat. "I was her."


	13. Try harder, next time

The back of her fingernails dragged over his thigh - away from his crotch, but the feelings they created shot right towards it.

"Kathryn," he growled a warning, but to no avail.

When she reached his knee, her hand wandered inwards and her nails dragged back up his inner thigh. Chakotay pressed his legs together to trap her devious hand, but she persisted. He fixed his eyes in the controls before him and listed the many disgusting uses of Leola root in his mind in an attempt to block out the steady thrum of his rising member in the strict confines of his uniform pants.

In his haze he did not notice the consistent red glow of the warning light to his left. When the auditory warning finally came, he took a few seconds too long to react. The shuttle started to spin, inertial dampeners failing and they hurdled throw the atmosphere. Eyes wide, Chakotay looked out the screen and saw a massive mountain range come closer with frightening speed. He grabbed her hand on his thigh and mere moments before impact he looked over at her and was greeted with a grin that was a bit too wide, a bit too cheerful considering they were about to be smashed to smithereens.

He grasped her hand harder at the moment of impact, closed his eyes and then…

...opened them to the black and yellow grid of the holodeck.

"What the hell, Kathryn?" If anything her grin had grown even wider and he was furious. "What were you trying to accomplish with that?"

"Exactly what I did, Chakotay." Kathryn shrugged her grin still firmly in place. "You got distracted and you crashed that shuttle."

"Of course, I was distracted, you bloody hell did everything you could to distract me."

"That's right, and if it had been real we'd both be dead now." The cheerfulness slowly vanishing she finally explained, "You have a bad track record of getting distracted when piloting shuttles, Chakotay, and we have to take care of that. We'll be running simulations until you can pilot a shuttle without getting distracted!"

The way she tilted her head and looked at him expectantly was infuriating, but he'd be damned if he let her know that.

"Fine," he snarled, "you're not as distracting as you seem to think, Kathryn." _Of course, she was, who was he trying to fool?_

"Then try harder, next time. Short of me dying-" the infinitesimal widening of his eyes told her she'd hit the mark- "I can't think of anything that throws you off better than this."

She let her fingertips trail along his inner thigh again as she stood up and moved past him to the holodeck doors.

"Same time tomorrow, Commander. Don't be late," she called back over her shoulder as she stepped into the corridor.


	14. Some people call this wisdom

"Insufficient rations" The emotionless voice of the computer doomed her.

Kathryn slapped the panel above her replicator and uttered a few crude curse words, then seemed to think of something and collected herself.

"Computer display replicator rations for...Commander Chakotay." A grin spread over her face as she saw the more than sufficient rations in Chakotay's account. She input her Command code and transferred the need rations to her own account. She'd make it up to him. Surely he wouldn't mind. When the computer signalled that the transfer was successful she tried again.

"Coffee, black." A sigh of relief left her lips as the mug shimmered into existence and she carefully cradled it between her hands as she turned back to her couch and the reports that were waiting for her.

She halted dead in her tracks as her eyes fell on the figure standing in the middle of the room.

"How long have you been standing there?" Her hands gripped the mug as if afraid he'd take it away from her.

"Longer than you'd like." She wanted to wipe the smirk off his face, but then she'd have to let go of her coffee.

"You could have just asked," Chakotay pointed out, then held out the mug he had brought, "or waited."

"You were late." It was a lame excuse, considering that he been overdue no more than five minutes and she could have asked the computer for his location - or contacted him.

"Well, you don't need to steal tomorrow's rations, I'll gladly buy you your coffee." When she didn't reply with a quip but walked past him to sit down, obviously avoiding looking at him, he knew he'd hit a gold. "Kathryn?" His voice held a warning current under the slight teasing.

"Let's just say you needn't worry for the rest of the week." Still not meeting his eyes.

"You know that's technically stealing, right?"

"Some people call this wisdom," she shrugged, finally looking up with an expression of feigned innocence. She leaned forward and slid the mug he had set down next to hers. The image of two full mugs of coffee in front of her almost made him laugh out loud. "It's simply more efficient this way," she added with a satisfied smirk sure that her logic was foolproof.

"It would be," he conceded, "if you wouldn't run out of a whole week's worth of rations by tomorrow afternoon."

He leaned forward and for a second Kathryn regretted having set her mug down thinking he was going to take the coffee back. Instead, he snatched one of the Padds and leaned back, pretending to be engrossed in B'Elanna's most recent Engineering report. From the corner of his eyes, he observed Kathryn, though. He was right and she knew it and the telltale chew of her lower lip and the hand fiddling with her combadge told him she was already formulating a plan.

Her gaze jumped between both cups of coffee but Chakotay was sure her thoughts were elsewhere - not far, but elsewhere. Suddenly she stopped and spoke, "Computer, locate Tom Paris."

"Tom Paris is in Holodeck One."

Obviously satisfied with that reply, Kathryn lifted one of the mugs, emptied it in one go and stood up.

"I feel like playing pool," she announced already halfway out of her quarters. "Are you coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it." Chakotay sincerely hoped Tom had enough rations left to service any bouts of coffee intemperance that may strike their Captain until they reached the next M-class planet.


	15. I thought you had forgotten

"Do you miss her?"

"I thought you had forgotten."

"Seems I like to remember pain as much as you do." The piece of paper she protrudes looks suspiciously like his. Full of writing yet not enough to make them feel like they have the whole story. "That doesn't answer my question though."

She is relentless, he has to give her that. If her handwritten story is anything like his she must be wondering how fleeting his feelings are.

"I don't remember her."

"You must have cared enough to want to remember."

"So must you."

He wonders if she has written scientifically about the race they encountered, trying to find explanations for their ability to erase memories so easily, or if she has felt the need to remind herself of his betrayal, how easy he strayed from her.

Sure enough his own note gave him an earful, wondering how he could have been so foolish, if they can influence more than just memories, but still wavering in his feelings for Kellin. It was easily recognizable the longer he wrote, the longer Kelling had been gone, the worse he had felt remorse, the less he had been secure in his feelings for the strange woman.

"I wish I had never written that down."

"I'm glad I did. Helps keep me grounded." She sips her coffee and looks at him the expression on her face unreadable and he feels like there's another chasm between them that he cannot cross.

She thinks about all the times when her mind own conjures grand ideas about how he would finally read that one protocol that prevents her from going to him. That one protocol that clearly states he has to be the one to initiate anything. She's spent plenty of time waiting. She thinks about the nights after especially flirty banter when she waits and thinks this will be the day when he knows and takes action.

But he never does.

And sometimes she needs to remind herself why.


	16. This is gonna be so much fun

He could practically feel the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"We don't have to do this." He meant it. He felt as uncomfortable as she looked, but they were both aware that whoever had put them on the list in the first place knew they would go through with it.

The moment Neelix had read the list to the assembled audience and stumbled over their performance, Chakotay had seen Kathryn's face go white and her hands clench into fists. It had only been a moment - a long moment in which he had wondered which member of their crew had such a warped sense of humour - before her captain's mask slid into place and she smiled at her crew members as if it had been her idea in the first place.

Now she stood before him trembling as if she feared for her life. But she put on a brave face and straightened her shoulders.

"I don't want to do this," he argued in another attempt to get her to put a stop to this. She shook her head. Neither did she. But this wasn't just about them. This was about crew morale and about question neither of them was ready to answer.

"Just make sure you have it on the lowest stun setting." She tried to give him a smile but ended up in a grimace. If he found out who did this, he'd make their life a living hell.

The crowd cheered as they stepped out, but Chakotay could see Tuvok and the Doctor exchanging worried glances. For the rest of them, this was harmless fun. They had no idea of the significance.

Her hands were curiously calm as she set the apple on her head, her eyes fixed on Chakotay's face. She stood ramrod straight, not daring to move a fraction of an inch. Chakotay checked the settings on the phaser one last time and gave her a reassuring nod. There was no danger even if his aim was off. He'd be damned if it was, though. He would not miss that apple. He would not become Captain today. Or any day if he had any say.

Despite the trust in her eyes, he saw the panic rise. He wanted to give her time to break this off, but her gaze begged him to get it over with. He broke off eye contact, aimed at the apple, took a deep breath and pressed the trigger.

The blood rushing in his ears was deafening. He couldn't hear anything else. Against his own volition his eyes had squeezed shut at the last second and when he opened them it took him a moment to focus. When he finally did, he sprung into action.

Her gaze was locked on him, unblinking, unmoving. He immediately saw the shock for what it was. They should have never done this.

He took her hand and pulled her down to bow with him. Her cold clammy hands in his warm and sweaty palm. He met no resistance. She moved with him and then let him lead her out of the room amidst the crew's clasps and whistles.

When they were out of sight and earshot, he leaned her back against the bulkhead and grasped her shoulders. "Kathryn?" Upon hearing her name, she finally took a deep, gulping breath.

"I tried not to look at the phaser," she finally spurted out, "but I couldn't help it."

Her eyes had betrayed her the very moment Chakotay had pressed the trigger and despite her rational mind knowing better, she had expected to die. Her brain had transported her right back into the nightmare she had lived through just a few days earlier.

Her hand clasped over her mouth in an attempt to stifle the quiet anguished moan. Chakotay quickly pulled her close to him not caring if anyone saw them.

"Do you require assistance?" Kathryn scattered out of Chakotay's embrace when Tuvok's voice interrupted them. A quick survey of the area assured them the Chief of Security was the only one in sight.

"I will be alright, Tuvok." The slight tremor in her voice betrayed her attempt to assure her friend, and it did not go unnoticed.

"I trust you will take care of this." Chakotay's tone left no room for speculation about what he expected. They were all aware that this was no coincidence but a calculated move. Whoever was responsible, had broken through the security level of both their reports. And neither Tuvok nor the Doctor, who were the only other crew members aware of this specific detail, would be capable of something so twisted.

"That was my intention, Commander." The men shared a quick nod before Tuvok stepped away, both noting that while Kathryn had put some distance between herself and Chakotay, her hand had not let go of her tight grip on Chakotay's arm.

Before anyone else could find them, Chakotay took her hand and led her towards the turbolift. Once they were safely inside her quarters, Chakotay sat her down on her couch and got her a coffee from the replicator. He pressed the steaming cup into her hands and sat down in the chair across from her.

Both hands on her knees, his thumb gently tracing patterns through the black material of her uniform pants he watched her inhale the calming scent of the coffee. She savoured her first sip and he let the slow relaxing of her posture calm himself down as well. He tightened his hands on her knees and made her look up at him.

She was alive and it was over. They had not given in and whoever had done this, had not won.

"I will never let this happen again," he declared with an intensity that promised he'd rather give his life than have anyone or anything harm her in any way again.


	17. I'll tell you but you're not gonna like

"What did the Doctor say?"

"I'll tell you but you're not going to like it." The moment he stepped into her quarters and found her lounging in her nightgown he knew she wouldn't like it.

"It can't be that bad." She sauntered over to where he still stood. With modern medicine, how bad could it be? Maybe a few days?

"Three weeks," he blurted out. Best to get it over with.

"Three weeks?" Kathryn squeaked back in surprise, then her expression turned to worry. "Are you still in pain?"

Her hand twitched to touch him, but she pulled it back, not knowing if her touch would be welcome. He noticed and stepped closer to her, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"All healed," he assured her, "but he says the tissues need three weeks to fully heal and strengthen, or I'll be right back in sickbay."

Her shoulders slumped and she leaned fully into him. She had finally made the decision and things had gone terribly wrong.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't the first time she apologized. She had apologized the whole time in sickbay when the Doctor had scanned him and he had groaned in pain. Forgotten was that orgasms she had been eagerly chasing.

"It'll be fine." He squeezed her against him as they moved to the couch. "We'll just try to be less eager next time."

She huffed out a breath. "I don't think I can be less eager in **three** weeks."

He wanted to laugh at that admission, but she was right. Neither of them would be less eager in three weeks time. Not with all this time of knowing what was to come. He looked at her full body flush and knew she was already strung tight with anticipation and it would be a lie if he claimed to feel any different.

"Then we'll just have to find a way to _restrain_ ourselves."


	18. You should have seen it

"You should have seen it..." Her voice was drowned out by the uncontrollable wandering of his own thoughts.

He swallowed down the retort that had been on the tip of his tongue since she had proposed her risky plan, more so since he had read Tuvok's report. Images of her battered body on a sickbay bed kept springing into his mind unbidden.

But as she sat before him, alive, unharmed and so vibrant, a glow to her skin and eyes as she talked with her hands gesturing wildly, he didn't have the heart to burden her with his own stresses and worries.

It was part of her, this recklessness, this need to immerse herself despite the danger to her own person and if he was honest he wouldn't want her any other way. He loved _her_ , this infuriatingly stubborn woman.

"Chakotay?" He looked up, guiltily acknowledging to himself that his thoughts had made him stare at her. "You seemed lightyears away right now." She gave him a curious smile and tilted her head.

"I was right here," he promised and the look he gave her made her blush furiously.

To his surprise, she didn't look away but instead leaned closer towards him.

"Thank you." Her smile bordered on a grin, making him wonder what exactly it was she was thanking him for.

"What for?"

"I know how hard it must have been for you to let me go without even trying to voice your concerns."

"How do you know I had any misgivings?"

"It was all over your face." Her voice was as warm as the palm she laid against his cheek. " _Everything_ is written in that face of yours."

Her thumb trailed a small path back and forth and Chakotay felt as if she was acknowledging things they never acknowledged. He leaned his face against her palm. It was a small gesture but in the tight confines of what they were able to allow themselves it was more than they usually permitted.

"Thank you," he finally whispered in a frayed voice, as he straightened and broke the moment before it before she had to.


	19. Like this is the worst I have done

"Oh please, like this is the worst I have done."

"You're right. The last time you made a deal with the devil you even pretended to consult with me. What was it this time, Kathryn? Do you still not trust me? Did you think I'd go behind your back and somehow mess this up?" Kathryn calmly watched Chakotay from her place on his couch. His pacing was starting to make her dizzy, but she didn't say anything.

All her bets had been on succeeding with her plan. She had, of course, anticipated, Chakotay's reaction if it would fail, but she never seriously considered failure. She had, however, grossly miscalculated the degree of his anger even if all went smoothly. Not that she blamed him. She'd have reacted similarly if he had been in her place.

"You cannot seriously still hold a grudge because of that."

"Watch me."

"Chakotay," she tried an emollient approach, "we've had to choose the lesser evil before to secure our own survival. This isn't about Kashyk, is it?"

"Of course it isn't," he roared as if she'd twisted a knife in an already oozing wound, "it's about you making half-cocked decisions and being so damned overconfident that you can't even stop to think how your actions affect the emotional well-being of those around you!"

"You mean YOUR emotional well-being." If he'd hit a mark she wasn't likely to let him know it.

"Oh, I know better than to expect you to consider MY feelings." His voice was somewhere between a hiss and a moan and Kathryn got the distinct impression that she was missing important information to have a complete grasp on their conversation. But it seemed like Chakotay wasn't feeling particularly forthcoming.

"Chakotay," she tried to soothe him again, "I want to understand, but you need to talk to me. Really talk," she implored.

"I can't do this. Right now, I can't even look at you without wanting to hit something." His whole form trembled, every muscle in his body was tense and Kathryn could easily see the truth in his statement, the tenuous control he had over his anger.

"Then don't. Be angry at me, shout at me, ignore me even. Whatever you need right now. And when you're ready, I'll be here and I'll listen."

She stood up and walked up to him, a hand already reaching out to touch his arm. But when his whole body seemed to recoil from her, she pulled it back, forming a fist against her thigh and swallowing hard to suppress the sob that threatened to rise up in her throat.

"You know where to find me." She loved him enough to walk away.

He made no attempt to stop her.


	20. I hope you have a speech prepared

"I hope you have a speech prepared."

The off-handed remark caught her off guard and Kathryn suddenly realized she hadn't even thought about having to say anything really. She had expected to be just a public face to get buyers to come to the charity auction and knew she was expected to say a fact or two for each item.

Her aide immediately came to her rescue and handed her a Padd. "I have your speech, Admiral."

She took the proffered Padd with a thankful nod and stepped towards the podium as she was introduced. Squinting her eyes she tried to see anything in the harsh light of holocameras, but most of the audience was just one mass. Looking down at her Padd she started to read the first few lines, but the worst seemed stilted and wrong. They didn't roll off her tongue and she felt awkward reading something aloud that was not hers. She paused and looked up again.

The crowd started to whisper when she stopped speaking and Kathryn took a deep breath to center herself. A movement from the far left wall caught her attention and when she focused she recognized the broad shoulders and dimpled grin. Chakotay almost laughed as he saw recognition light up her face and moved his hand in a silent gesture for her.

Kathryn saw Chakotay move two fingers over his heart and tap a few times. There was no mistaking what he was telling her. _Speak from the heart._ She glanced at the collection of items that were to be auctioned off and understood. These people were not here to just buy random items from a part of their galaxy they would most likely never get to see, they were here to hear their histories, take a story home, not just a thing.

So she started to speak what came to her mind as she saw the pieces of their journey. The room grew quiet and listened attentively, laughed and gasped and grew serious with her. With each item, she spun her tale further and further until the last item was sold.

With a light heart and a sense of accomplishment, Kathryn closed the catalogue before her and glanced at the crowd.

"May you all safely find your way home."


	21. Impressive, truly

Fingers dipping into crevices, traversing bumps and hollows.

A slow stance around him.

Eyes raking over his naked form.

A shudder down his spine.

A clench of his buttocks as a hand slips between his thighs.

A palm weighting his scrotum.

A sure hand sneaking around his middle and sliding up his penis.

A finger in his foreskin swirling around his head.

His fine sheen of sweat indication of his tenuous self-control.

Her warm breath on the back of his neck, then against his ear.

And finally, her honey and gravel voice breaking the tension in his body.

"Impressive, truly."


	22. I know how you love to play games

"What do you want, Kathryn?"

"Something I cannot have, but…"

"Stop," he turned towards her, his face steel. "I know how you love to play games, but I'm tired of playing. This is not a game for me. What. Do. You. Want?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come."

This is not what she had imagined. She had not expected him to ask questions, really, but that he welcome her into his home and have a chat between friends who haven't seen each other in a while.

She just wanted to see if he was happy.

She just wanted to see him.

"Why did you come?" His hand on her arm stopped her from leaving and she turned back towards him.

"I wanted to see you."

"You could have called me," he argued and he was right. "At any time in the last weeks, you could have called me."

"I missed you." Is was a weak and feeble argument and surely no excuse.

"And I missed you, but you didn't seem to care about that until now."

"Chakotay," her voice threatened to betray her and she swallowed, "I'm sorry, I…" The look in his eyes told her that nothing but the truth would get her anywhere now, "This isn't a game for me either."

Chakotay looked down at her wringing hands and asked again, "What do you want, Kathryn?"

"You," she finally blurted out, "I want you."

Her shoulders sagged with a sigh as the truth was finally out. She didn't quite dare make eyes contact but after a few seconds, he took her hands into his.

"You always had me," his now gentle voice washed over her and she closed her eyes in relief. "I was right here waiting."


	23. This is not new, it only feels like it

The very moment the Doctor released the locking mechanism, Kathryn pulled out her hand and held it before her face. She carefully flexed the fingers, made a fist and released it. Then breathed a sigh of relief.

"This is not new, it only feels like it." The Doctor muttered as he ran a tricorder over it a last time. "But I can assure you it is as good as new."

"Thank you, Doctor." She grasped the hand he held before her and squeezed until he signalled her to let go. "It feels strange."

"Give it a few hours to feel normal," he walked over to his station and return with a Padd. "Now this is a physical therapy regiment you can do in your own quarters. In a few weeks, you should have your full strength back. I'll send the specifications for the items you need to your replicator. Please make sure you follow this plan to the latter for a speedy recovery."

He held the Padd out to her and Kathryn reached for it with her newly released hand. Underestimating her still weak grip, the Padd dropped onto the biobed next to her. Before she had a chance to pick t up with her strong hand, Chakotay was next to her and grabbed it.

"I'll make sure she does her exercises to your standard, Doctor."

She squinted at him in mock anger but was relieved to see him. It was her signal to leave sickbay and finally return to her duties. God, she was bored. And now that she had use of both hands again, she couldn't wait to go to the bridge.

Without a look back she left sickbay and marched for the turbolift. Chakotay, however, derailed her plans and ordered the lift to deck three. He accompanied her to her quarters and entered them without invitation. Not that he needed one, or that she would have withheld it.

Kathryn purposefully strode to the replicator and ordered a coffee. Free of sickbay and the Doctor's watchful eyes she was intent on making up for all the cup he withheld from her during her stay in his domain.

She miscalculated however and when she turned around pulling the cup from the replicator with her dominant hand, it slipped from her grasp and tumbled to the floor. For a moment she stood there, looking at the puddle of coffee at her feet, the stain slowly spreading into the carpet. Then she closed her useless hand in a fist and groaned.

"Don't worry about it," Chakotay stepped close, "I'll buy you a new one. And then we can get started on your physical therapy."

Kathryn took her seat on the sofa and watched Chakotay. He'd been with her in sickbay every day, even though her terrible mood swings. She had apologized, of course, and he had laughed it off and blamed the coffee withdrawal and boredom. Kathryn Janeway's two vices. But his daily visits had kept her sane and it was time she made it up to him.

"What exactly does this regiment entail?" She had not looked at the Padd.

Chakotay put the coffee down in front of her and activated the Padd, then looked at her pointedly and grinned.

"What?"

"All of these come down to building up your muscles again by clenching and stretching your hand basically." He waited for the penny to drop and when it finally did mischief filled her face.

"So, I can just grab and release things," her tongue trailed her lower lip. "Anything, really?"

"Anything," he scooted closer to her, "as long as you keep up a steady rhythm for a while."

"Oh, I can keep a steady rhythm."


	24. You know this, you know this to be true

"I read Tuvok's report. There was no other decision to be made."

"There's always an alternative."

"But not a better one. You made the only correct choice."

"We could have planted bombs. Used the array to get home."

"We had no time to familiarize ourselves with his technology. By the time we'd have it figured out the Kazon would have long taken over the station." It was the same argument day in and day out. "We were asked for help by a superior species. Ignoring that plea would have meant tipping the balance of power not only in this sector but possibly throughout the galaxy."

"I broke the Prime Directive, Chakotay," she hollered, "and this whole crew is paying for that. The people we lost…"

"You did not break the Prime Directive, Kathryn. You did not get us stranded. The Caretaker did. The Caretaker asked for our help, not the Ocampa. You helped a technologically advanced being in making sure their technology doesn't fall into the hands of those who would abuse it. In time the Kazon would have figured out how to use the array and what would have happened then?"

She turned and ignored him. She knew the answer, of course. Not only because he told her every night, but because she must know the answer.

"They would have pulled ships from all over the galaxy. They would have abused the technology and they would have known no limit."

"But **I** made the choice, Chakotay. **I** forced you all to spend the rest of your lives finding a way back home." She turned around and the fierceness in her eyes did not surprise him. In the end, it always came around to this. Her choice. Her guilt. And her belief that she robbed all of them of a happier life.

"Not a single person who deserves my respect would have made a different choice in your position." He grabbed her by the shoulders and made sure she looked at him, his eyes steady on her. "We all want to get back to the Alpha Quadrant, but make no mistake Kathryn, _this_ is our home. You know this, you know this to be true."

She moved out of his grasp then, turned away from him and didn't grace him with a reply. And like every night he wondered if she felt so different. If she would really take it all back given the chance. Because he was damned sure he would not.

Like every night, he resigned. Like every night, he had to accept that he did not get through to her. Like every night, he turned to leave her alone with her. But tonight, the pain she caused him with her easy dismissal of everything they had achieved, the close community they had built, and the relationships they had forged made him turn back to her.

"Take a good hard look at our crew, Kathryn," his voice was laced with anger and grief, "and dare tell me otherwise."


	25. Go forward, do not stray

_Go forward, do not stray. Go forward, do not stray._ The words played like a mantra in her mind. She could not afford to get distracted or to doubt. One foot in front of the other, her silent mantra playing her mind. Her protegee heavy in her arms.

She was exhausted. She had no energy left for anything else than going forward. So she pushed and pushed and let her thoughts carry her.

"It was one of the hardest things I had ever done." Her gaze was unfocused, her eyes seeing something that wasn't in the room with them. "Putting my trust in something I could not see or analyse or understand."

"The Doctor found a scientific explanation, didn't he?"

"He gave me his report three days ago." She finally smiled at him as he pressed a steaming cup into her hands.

"But?" Chakotay pressed. She had finally started to open up to him about her experiences on the planet, but their conversation felt elusive like he was constantly losing her to her own thoughts. And if she didn't talk about it now, he wasn't sure she'd come back and do it later.

"I haven't read it." She shrugged, looking at her coffee, inhaling the scent and letting it anchor her to the here and now, to this room and this conversation.

"Why not? I'd have thought you couldn't wait to get your hands on the science behind the shrine." He grinned at her, but when she failed to acknowledge his humour and that wistful expression washed over her face again, his grin faltered and his mood sombered. "What happened down there?"

Kathryn looked up at him over the rim of her cup and her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally settled on the words. "For the first time in my life, my science failed me. I think this might be what a miracle feels like. What faith feels like. And I'm not sure I'm ready to let that go quite yet."

Every time Chakotay thought he had her figured out he discovered something about her that made him view her in a different light. Despite her interest in his culture, he had not thought she was the kind of person who'd be open to spiritual experiences. She was a woman of science and she revelled in that. But here she was, clinging to this flimsy bit of spirituality she had experienced, unwilling to have it analyzed and rationalized in hard scientific facts. He felt a strange swelling in his chest as he watched her sip her coffee in contemplative silence.

There were so many depths to this woman he had yet to explore. He could hardly wait.


	26. If you cannot see it is it really there?

Naked and trembling with anticipation she stood in her bedroom. The lights were out and the transparent aluminium of her windows darkened to keep out the light from the stars outside. There was absolute darkness and she relied on the smells and sounds and the feeling of short moments of skin contact and movement in the air as he moved around her. She was already on edge, all nerve endings tingling. Surely he must be able to smell her arousal as strongly as she felt the slickness between her thighs.

Despite the dark, he put a blindfold over her eyes. "If you cannot see it, is it really there?"

He laid his fingers against her lips and she opened her mouth. The gag was moved in place. "If you cannot say it, is it really true?"

Finally, he slid something soft into her ear, blocking out all sound and before he blocked her other ear as well, his hot breath swirled against it, "If you cannot hear it, is it really happening?"


	27. Remember You have to remember

She looked at the black and red garment and waited for a sense of familiarity, but nothing was forthcoming. The quarters that surrounded here gave her nothing. The pictures in the frames stirred no emotions. She felt lost and alone and so far nothing had made her feel safe here.

Except for him.

For some reason, she knew she could trust _him_.

He'd be here in a few minutes and take her out to dinner, bring her among familiar faces she had no recognition of. It was supposed to help speed up the process, but all it did for her was cause anxiety and pressure.

She picked up the four golden pips that lay on the dresser next to her combadge. She rolled the cold metal between her fingers before dropping them one by one into the palm of her other hand.

The weight felt familiar. They felt strange in her palm as if they belonged somewhere else. Rationally, she knew, of course, where they belonged. Despite their nominal mass, they felt heavy, weighing her down somehow. Instinctively she knew these four pips were a burden to her, but they also gave her some comfort. Except for him, these four pips were the only things connecting her to this strange vessel from the other side of the galaxy.

In a few days, when she would be back to her old safe, she would have to make a decision. And from what she understood, her decision would impact this vessel and everyone on board.

She frowned and opened her palm, looking at the small metal pieces. Somehow she knew they represented her lack of choice. The person that came with the memories, the person that came with the pips…

"Kathryn?" He had entered her quarters without her noticing and she closed her hand in surprise.

"Are you ready?" She wasn't but it wasn't fair to burden him with any more than he already had to carry for all of them. So she nodded and put the pips into the pocket of her pants.

The walk to the mess hall was quiet. She had questions but wasn't sure she was ready yet for the answers and he didn't try to push her. They chose a table in the corner, away from the crowd but situated so she could observe. She thought they must have done this a hundred times before and by the ease with which he moved and placed her food in front of her, she knew they probably had.

Her gaze searched the people present, some of their expressions as confused and helpless as she felt, some of them hopeful and relieved. She felt secluded from them and wondered if she had ever felt different so familiar was the sensation.

"Are you okay?" He must have sensed her unease as his worried gaze swept over her features, causing them to relax slightly as she focused on him instead of the rest of the mess hall.

She was about to just nod but then thought better of it. What point was there in pretending anyway? "What am I going to do now?"

"Remember," he replied without hesitation, "everything else is my responsibility now. You only have to remember."

Chakotay grasped her free hand on the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat and nodded mutely. He smiled at her and the barely suppressed joy that had been present in his eyes ever since she had come aboard the ship was unmistakable. Her heart constricted in a way that wasn't entirely pleasant.

And the weights in her pocket were already starting to wear her down.


	28. I felt it You know what I mean

**Then**

"I feel it, you know."

"Feel what?"

"You know what I mean. This thing between us," she waved her hand between them, "I know we won't be just friends. I don't think we'll ever be just friends."

"No," he looked down in an attempt to hide his grin, there was no hiding from here, there never had been, or will be, "we're much more than just friends. Or we will be."

Kathryn, his Kathryn was right, temporal mechanics were confusing and he was starting to get a headache from trying to wrap his head around it.

"Is it enough?" Her curiosity led her on shaky ground and she wasn't sure she should even be asking these questions, but something in his demeanour towards her, in her own body's responses towards him made her want to prod further.

"No, it's not." His eyes sought hers, willing her to understand that he didn't say it to hurt her or to change anything. He was merely stating a truth she was seeking. "But it's all we have."

 **Now**

"I felt it, you know." Her words were casual as she reclined on the sofa, but her gaze was steady on his.

"Felt what?" He took another sip from his cider, wondering what it was now that she was trying to get out of him.

"That something had changed." He only raised his eyebrow and lowered his glass. "You know what I mean. I felt it the moment you stepped through those doors tonight. Don't tell me I'm wrong."

He could challenge her, deny the change he had felt himself. But he had never been good at lying to her. And he had never much liked it either.

"You're right, something has changed."

"But you can't tell me what it is?" Her need to needle into this wound that he wasn't sure was healing or ripping open was excruciating.

"Temporal Prime Directive." Three words that had been like a shield for him all day.

"But can you tell me if it's a good or a bad change?"

"I don't know yet," he sighed and put his glass down, realizing that he should go before she carried her questioning further than he could endure.

She recognized his attempt to end their evening and made no move to stop him. "Why?" she couldn't stop herself from asking, though, when he stood up and straightened his uniform.

"Because nothing has changed."


	29. At least it can't get any worse

"I can't believe we're actually stuck with those people for the next 75 years." Dalby moaned as the Starfleet personnel in the mess hall.

"It could be worse. Some of them are not so bad," B'Elanna chimed in, "And it may not be 75 years. We could find a faster way home."

"You're starting to sound like that 'fleeter friend of yours," Seska chided with a slap to B'Elanna's shoulder, "Maybe you should watch what company you're keeping."

"I can choose my own friends, Seska." B'Elanna pinned her gaze on Seska, challenging her friend to debate her. She had, after all, befriended the feisty Bajoran, and she sure as hell wasn't making it very easy to be her friend.

"As much fun as it's been, boys, I have to go to my shift." Ignoring B'Elanna's bait, Seska slowly rose from the small assembly of Maquis crewmen clearly indicating her unwillingness to work. "Don't wanna give Carey any reason to serve Janeway my head on a platter." The sarcasm dripped from her voice so heavily that even B'Elanna felt uncomfortable.

"You're only 10 minutes late," Dalby piped up with a chuckle.

"I have to leave room for… **improvement** , don't I?" The sly grin that accompanied her statement made the small group laugh.

B'Elanna looked at the faces of those still sitting and decided that all this dark humour and grimness was tearing her mood further down than it already was, so she seized the opportunity of Seska's leaving and excused herself for the night. Something about the conversation left her unsettled but she couldn't pin it down.

"We stranded 70,000 light years from home, on a ship full of 'fleeter, at the mercy of a captain who has clearly demonstrated that she couldn't care less about her own crew and by the time this ship reaches the Alpha Quadrant we're either dead or too old to continue our fight." Seska couldn't let it go as they stepped through the mess hall doors and her negativity was getting to B'Elanna. "At least it can't get any worse."

Oh yes it can , B'Elanna thought as she saw the doors of the Captain's private dining room open and Janeway and Chakotay step out deep in conversation. The big guy could start thinking with certain parts of his anatomy again. The bile rose in her throat, but before she could say anything to Seska, the Bajoran turned for the turbo lift and walked away.

B'Elanna looked at the retreating backs of the new command duo.

Who does she think she is to make a decision like that for all of us?

She's the Captain.

No, B'Elanna thought bitterly, this woman would never be her captain.


	30. Do we really have to do this again?

She grinned at Chakotay as the excited voice of their chief engineer rambled on and on over the open comlink.

"I get it, Lieutenant. Meet Ensign Kim at the beam-out coordinates and report to my Ready Room as soon as you're back on board. Janeway out."

"That sounded positive." Chakotay leaned towards her over the middle console.

"I'm sure the analysis will keep us busy for weeks." Her eyes gleamed and he didn't try to hide his grin.

"If you get bored with your science, you could come over for dinner every once in a while." He was sure with scientific data to analyse for weeks on end Kathryn would be positively glowing and exuberant. She was always happier if she had some interesting science project to get her hands on rather than be bored with diplomatic functions and skirmishes with not so friendly species. She deserved a break and he was glad B'Elanna and Harry had found one.

He leaned back in his chair, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw her cross her legs impatiently, her foot swinging up and down with excited tension. He smiled to himself. Yes, the next weeks were going to be fun.

"Transporter Room One to the Bridge." The hail broke the quiet atmosphere of the command center.

"Janeway here."

"Captain, you are needed in down here."

"I'll be right there." Kathryn rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. She was fully expecting B'Elanna to have brought back some sample that hadn't passed Tuvok's new transporter security protocols.

When she stepped through the doors of the transporter room she stopped abruptly. On the platform where she expected to see the two members of her senior staff was only one person.

Black wavy hair. Forehead ridges under pale skin. Shoulders of the uniform a weird shade of olive green. A startled expression on the face that was probably mirroring her own. She was unable to stop herself from cursing under her breath.

"Do we really have to do this again?"


	31. I've waited so long for this

"We've waited so long for this," she breathes into his ear her hands restless against the vast expanse of skin newly available to her.

Fingers and lips trail over bumps and hollows, steal into crevices and along curves exploring pleasures long withheld. Soft sighs and moans fill the air over the reassuring hum of the engines. Dessert long forgotten and yet savoured in another form.

* * *

"I've waited so long for this," she explains as she refuses to argue again in the morning the soft press of his lips against the back of her neck softening her mood but not her resolve. Her fingers slide between his as they steal another moment before they both have to slip back into their command positions carrying the burdens that are too heavy for each of them alone. A whimper escapes her as he uses that mouth of his the only way she really craves right then.

* * *

"I've waited so long for this," he says out loud into the silent room with no one there to hear him. His breath forms soft clouds before his eyes and his gloved hand wipes the ice from her cold forehead. In death, she is as beautiful as she was the morning he left her. And just as rigid.


End file.
